This is Why I Do It

(imagine from www.weheartit.com)

Another story from the Seed; as I talk about little else! Last spring I started volunteering, there was a young guy, really shy, and embarassed to be there . I didn't get to know him very well, as I was equally as shy and rarely interacted with the guests. But before I knew it, he was gone. Then before I knew it, he was back. Shortly after, gone again. He's one of the guys who would come to First Alliance with Travis, Martha and I. He was quite sick with internal organ issues.
Driving home from there a few weeks ago, Ryan and I stopped at a Husky gas station and there he was ! This kid! Working inside. We were so happy to see him, so we said a big hello etc.
Last week, I really needed gas for the car and thought I had brought $20 with me (I don't bring $$ or purse to the Seed, as theres no need). But I hadn't, I'd brought $10 and bought supper at Tim Hortons on my way, leaving $6.00. In the course of the chaos of the 5 hours I was there, I'd forgotten again that I didn't have much cash. So I pull up to the same Husky station, run inside to pay beforehand and after greeting him, ( I can't say his name, its against the rules )I reach in my pocket, whip out the paper money inside and say "I'd like $10 gas please". I look down and its a $5 bill. I giggle at my stupidity, Ryan raises the bar and laughs out loud.

Long story short: Former Guest says "put the $10 in your car, its on me".
I protested as did Ryan and Former Guest said "please let me, you guys were good to me when I needed it, the least I can do it buy you your gas".

He's still totally shy and doesn't appear excited when he sees us. But I'm over the top sometimes, so maybe he's scared.

But the moral the story is this:

When the guy who asks me for socks because the ones I gave him the first two times weren't good enough, or when I ask the guest to not sit on the stairs of the (inside office called the bridge) because its not allowed, seeing if theres an emergency, and we come rushing out, he's going to be run over by 350lb Ryan; and he responds with sneer telling me I'm 'only a volunteer' ...... the little guy at the Husky making his own way in the world now after a stint at the bottom, makes me forget all the mundane and routine that comes with the shine wearing off your new interest; and makes me thank God He's put me in this place and that somehow, somewhere I'm making a difference.

And reminds me to keep the faith and keep prayin' !


xo
Lea

I've Temporarily Moved

I've discovered in perusing my old posts that they are often heavy and deep
and unnecessary. It was an online timeline, journal, record of my topsy turvy life, but unnecessary much of the time.
So I've switched gears with a whole new blog.
You can find a more whimsical me at www.leeleemac.wordpress.com .
I promise not to bury you with my philisophical ramblings and deep, angst posts. This one is more poetic and random. Well, random is how I operate, but its a happier blog.
And until my life gets cheerier and easier, I'll stick with my new blog.
Dang it!
Just when I finally settled on a pretty background that matched!

Enjoy.

Are You Beach-Ready?

Screw the gym! I'll get abs the easy way!

Anatomy of a Seed Shift

I arrive. Organize my team. Go to the Bridge (the office encased in glass) and start my report.

Do my rounds to say hello to everyone at their volunteer stations and see how they're doing, get them any supplies they need etc. Bring them Crave cupcakes or supper, and chitchat.

I give a tour to the kitchen group, who've never been there before. I answer questions I've never heard before and show them the cool stuff that I love so much about the Seed.

Go back to the Bridge chat with staff, see which cute volunteers would be a good match for them. I had them convinced that it was my new calling to be the Seed volunteer Cupid. It is divine intervention, I argue.

I answer inquires from guests about my week, my work and listen to theirs. I get analyzed by a guest who figures me to be 'quite the rebel' and when he gets out of there, he'll take me for a ride on his Harley.

I get a blanket for a gentleman who "is only going to be there for the night" and we discover we're both Aquarians, so we talk about the virtues of being abstract and whimsical and thinking outside the box. He talking more than me.

I go to the front desk where a gentleman who is ripped on crack is yelling at staff that there are undercover cops in the shelter and he needs a safe phone to call the police. This poor soul, each week I see him, and am very leary of him and his silent stare, hunched gait and unstable demeanor. He is actually one of a few guests that I am literally afraid of. And tonight proved my instincts to be right.

The cops show up to take him away and first ask him what the problem is. To which his reply is incoherent and something about guns and SWAT teams. The cops tell him that they have to take him , he asks if they have somewhere to put him. The (cops) ask him if he was welcome at the DI (Drop In center downtown) to which his reply is "um, I don't know, what if I go peacefully, can I go peacefully with you?". The cop's answer is a firm and gentle "yes, you can come peacefully, you'll have to come peacefully." This poor guy, with a history of mental health issues and a crack cocaine addiction has two trench coats on, replacing the grey tweed one he's worn since I've been there (last May) and they are both done up, and tucked into his pants with the grey tweed sash securing it. His hair is everywhere despite just having showered, and his eyes are wild and empty. I thank God for my health and social situation.

I eat my dinner - Turkey a la King on Basmati rice with salad, a jellied salad and homemade carrot cake. Pretty yummy. Great kitchen group there tonight. Pius X church (?) Beautiful people.

I go back to the Bridge - finish my reports up.

Clean up is at 830. There are big windows in the wall seperating the kitchen/common area from the mats. When clean up comes, theres a mass exodus of guests to the other side of the glass where many of them stand and observe the clean-up crew, of which they are not a part of. So tonight I walked along the windowed wall, the side where the action was being watched from and said in a sing-songy voice "This isn't a spectators sport boys, why don't you grab a rag and help out". Which leads to the Team Lead coming up to me later saying "oh man, this is stupid, but did you call **** a 'boy'?" I told him what I just told you and he said "oh, **** told me you'd called him boy, which is racist". My reaction? Well, what race is he and how the heck is the word 'boy' racist??? (like, get real people, we can't say BOY now? ) Anyway, 350 lb, 6'5 Ryan tells Tim (team lead) to go tell **** the situation and if he doesn't like it, he can leave the facility.

So, of course, I'm called racist. It happens all the time to me. Its so dumb.

I say good night to the amazing staff and a few of the guests I've connected with, drive Ryan home, get caught behind a train (beside?), sit for 20 minutes and get caught up on all the news and giggle at silly stories.

It was a perfectly well rounded Seed night. Just enough calm, just enough front desk/police action and perfect amount of happy.

Peace and Love Y'all

LeeLeeM

Bring it on 35! I Don't Even Give a Care!

Groundhog Day in pop culture is a day where regardless of any other news/wars/earthquakes/celebrity breakup-hookup-scandal-lovechild or other A-Listers accomplishments, its a rodent makes the front pages news.
Every February 2nd.
Will he see his shadow?
Did he see his shadow? Is there any repreive from our crazy, cold, Canadian winter?? Its all folklore, but its fun.
Its also my birthday. (every year - please cue amazingly un-unfunny comment that is equated to 'what day is it today?. Tuesday. All day")
February 2nd. 1975. A month early. 6lbs, 8oz. 8:00 am. Sydney, Nova Scotia. St. Rita's Hospital. Dr. Somebody ( i forget). Third child. Second daughter. Baby sister.
And every year, my Grandmie would ask me if I'd seen my shadow that morning. And this is the first year since she passed away that I remembered and it made me really sad.
And every year, I'd have some sort of party - a sleepover some years, which grew more popular as more babies entered our family. I'd get to pick what was for supper that night, which was always curry chicken. (now I kinda hate curry). And I'd get to wear my gift to school that day, always opening a present in the morning. On years I didn't particularly care about guests or much frou frou, we'd just have cake with grandparents and siblings around the big pine table.
Every year, its "my" new years resolution time. Just the non-conformist in me, I guess.
And every year in the past 5, its gotten harder to face this day. As the good memories of my childhood birthdays fade, and the harsh reality that is mid-thirties sets in, I just want the day to pass quietly and quickly.
So noone at the office, 'cept for my cube neighbour, Jen and another co-worker knew, and the latter took me out for lunch, while Jen. Oh. Dear. Jen.
Seriously, one of the sweetest girls I've ever met in my 'HOLE life. Everyday I realize how much nicer, sweeter, calmer, sincere, guileless I could and should be by just being around her. BUT she told the creepy guy who sits in the cube behind me. ( I am getting goosebumps reliving this ) who proceeded to email me at the end of the day asking me for lunch to 'mark the occasion'. *shiver down spine*. I was picturing his John Malkovic grin as he was probably sitting in his cube watching me read this email, hand frozen on mouse, swallowing hard as my mouth now resembled a giant cotton ball. I diplomatically wrote back bemoaning the state of my completely packed calendar for the next three lifetimes, "but I'd let him know". Don't be hatin' on me. One thing I've learned in life is trust your intuition .... and if you really want to give me a hard time about this judgement, I'll fill you in on a little secret .... my intuition is always right. Always.
Regardless, the day passed without the general population knowing and Julie, or JD, took me for sushi and spa night. It was glorious and amazing and we didn't want to leave. My toe nails are 'money green' and my hair was at its finest after a hottub and massage. Weren't we 'dishes' leaving there? Totally zen , hair looking like Barbara Streisand ran into an electric fence in the rain, and sleepy looking. Not just looking, but sleepy.
Then Maria, of course, came through in a big way - with a gorgeous little number for my bare wrist.

And this amazeballs scarf.

And wittle Ashwee painted this gorgeous picture for me. I love (to the tenth power) it.

The Mini Iris is from Dee. At church on Sunday, it was the Harvest Brunch (1st Sun of each month) and had my table decorated and a cake and a very public Happy Birthday song. (insert red face)
This is also from Ashley, who knows my love for the Office. And the wine cork too. A friend of Sarah's (Uriah's sister) made it. Super cute. *Side note* I'm an awful gift giver, I've somehow lost my touch of finding the perfect card and gift, so instead of sending something half-ass, I send nothing - and quite frankly, feel bad taking presents seeing I'm the worst in the history of all man-kind.

And to top off the week, I retreated, ran, hid, fled, escaped to the amazing countryside of Millarville. (Where I went horseback riding last May). I had this whole space to myself.
Truly tranquil.

Looking West. I wish everyone could experience these mountains.

At the edge of the Rockies.

This outdoor rink is right below her house and this is the only sound I heard all weekend.

I should clarify who 'her' is. A friend of Ray and Dee's owns this house, mansion, really, about 35 mins outside Calgary and she lends it out to people who want to come and totally relax. She holds retreats sometimes too. Its a concrete house with a huge wrap-around deck. I'm definitely going back there in the summer.

That's it for now, folks. The adventure never ends though, so stayed tuned for the never-ending instabilty that governs my life. Heres a thought: You know when you're doing any kind of exercise at the gym, the more unstable you, the harder your abs are working to, well, stabilize the rest of you? Well, I wonder if thats true about life. The more unstable your situation is, does that mean that you're "life abs", your, let's say spiritual (in the non religious way) core is stronger? Right now, its just making me a basket case, but in the long run .... ?

Really going this time ...

LeeLeeMac - til next post, while you wait with bated breath. :-)

Dream a Little Dream

Ok. You've heard me talk about it.
Africa.
Orphanages.
Mission work.
Filling this void in my soul.
Listening to God.
Serving.
Africa.

The reason I moved out to AB in the first place was to work, makes rock trucks of money, go to Africa for a month - help build a school, church, whatever, and settle back into life in Halifax.

Well. We all know how that turned out. Not as I'd planned - but my plans don't matter. I'm glad and greatful and humbled that MY ideas were wrong. Its been through my involvement with First Alliance, Maria, and the people who haved lived in this house, that I've really kept persuing mission work. I am surrounded by Africa. Anyone who I've given a skype tour of my house to can attest to that! My place is completely decorated in African masks, animals, animal prints, cool African chairs. I am surrounded by love for missions on all sides. I've met so many people, random and not - that've gone on trips and are so excited for my plans.

I will try and keep this short.

In several conversations with Maria over the past 10 months about my desire to go overseas, she's placed me in contact with a good friend of hers who works for Watoto ministry. I've emailed her with a million questions and received a response yesterday. It makes me almost weep with both anticipation and fear and realization that this dream of mine has started to move. Truly, honestly started to move. I was getting so discouraged with setbacks, both financially and personally that I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to realize this possibility. So with renewed hope and resiliant faith, I'm sharing with you and will continue to update on the process.

I will need prayer. If you want to know where I need the most guidance, I will tell you: If you feel so inclined to shoot some prayer rockets up - I'm really looking to have my heart opened and prepared for the "right" orphanage. There are several with very different types of living conditions. Some are in a city, which are busy and westernized, some are really far from emenities. (true African culture). I need to be shown where I will be utilized the most and where I will benefit both spiritually and personally. I realize there will be alot of personal growth and I need to stop 'romantizing' it and thinking, as usual, that its going to be all sunshine and lollipops. I know my heart is in the right place, my prayer is that it remains that way, as its easy to get caught up in the cool factor of going over there.

I also need to be given the wisdom (?), discipline (!!) to save money. I'm a shopoholic and spontaneous flight booker, and need to keep a rein on that kind of thing. I hope to have enough money to fly over, live for three months, come back and be able to unwind for a month, and not worry about cash flow. Impossible on the onset, but I've seen crazier miracles unfold! I am considering sponsorship, sending out prayer letters to church members, having a fundraiser of sorts - more for the awareness, (as well as the money, of course). But would like to able to set this goal and make it happen myself.

There. I said it. I dreamed a dream out loud.

If you want to check out Watoto ministry go to: www.watato.com .

(The anticipated time frame for this is Aug/Sept 2010)

ANDDDD, WE'RE BACK ON THE AIR

I will point form my month for you, as I’ve been blazy (blog lazy)

In chronological order this has been my January. You ready? Its not that exciting. Its been good, but not edge of your seat, nail biting, heart-racing drama. Here goes:

· Spent NYE with Ray, who went to bed at 9, Dee and Britters. Dee set me up on a Christian online dating site. Completely against my will. She is a freight train that when determined, its in your best interest to stay clear and far out of the way. B and I laughed so hard that night. Completely mocking the system and Dee telling us to be serious about it, because its my year to get a husband. Apparently. Like the Chinese Zodiac , but this doesn’t involve rats or rabbits, just husbands. But good luck finding one on there. Obviously, I've deactivated it. Obviously.

· Spent an extremely valuable day with Britt and Bree. Makes me realize how much God loves me, seeing the amazing women He’s put in my life. Honestly don’t know what I’d do without them.

· Totally threw my back out. Completely. I walked like an old lady for three weeks.


HERES MY BRIT ON OUR BREE AMBUSH WITH SOME CLASSY ED HARDY WINE. (please don't waste your time, money, tastebuds - but the bottle - so cool)

· Spent 6 hrs at a mall with a 20 year old woman. Got a winter coat at Old Navy for $20. 6 hours! 6! Even for me, thats too much.

· Got a one day gig at an oil and gas co, which led to another gig at a non oil and gas co. This gig is more permanent, however, I am waiting on said industry to get back on its feet so I can some stability in my life with a real job.

· Worked at the bar again. Such fun. I love drunk people. They are so lovey and sweet.They hug me and tip me and compliment me and thank me. And the ones who aren’t – have to face the burly bouncers whose main focus of the night is to protect me.

· Went shopping again with a geologist who wants to be more feminine, as she works up North with only men. She likes my style so I was ‘dragged’ out (jk) and was fashion consultant to someone who listened. Its like I could mould her .... But not for 6 hrs. She's not THAT fem yet.

· Got on the scale and it read 19.8 lbs more it did in July. So, I lost 10 of those that crept up on me somewhere in the past 6 months.

· Calgary experienced a Chinook. Heaven on Earth. You have no idea.

· Spent a few hours each day of one weekend with Britters and her adorable nephews, ages 5 and 1 and her gorgeous amazing niece Ruby age 3. So much work. So much fun. Kids are smart. Smarter than me I bet.

· Got back into the gym, sort of - but not really.

· I know where all the pretty people in Calgary go after work. World Health Club 7th Ave. I will go back.

ME N' STACE ROCKIN' COAT CHECK. MAKING MAD MONEY.
Learned to love Skype. Got to see my sis, bro in law and their kiddos for the first time in a year.

PHOTO - MO AND MAURA

VID - WATCH MAURA TELL A STORY


LANDY PANTS. AND THATS ABOUT IT. PANTS.


ADZ. SO GROWN UP - JUST BACK FROM BASKETBALL PRACTICE.


· Mom and Dad came to visit. Long overdue and just what I needed to get me out of my funk.

MY BIRTHDAY JEANS. PARDON MY BUM, BUT AREN'T THE JEANS GREAT?? I COULDN'T DECIDE BETWEEN 4 PAIRS, SO WE TOOK PHOTOS TO MAKE OUR DECISION. MOM'S HONEST. BRUTALLY. I LOVE IT.

MOM'S 'NEWLY PURCHASED SUNDAY GO TO MEETIN' OUTFIT. TOTALLY GORGEOUS.

TOOK DAD AND MOM TO FARM. THATS OUR MEAT AND CHEESE APPY WITH DIJON MUSTARD, SOMETHING CHUTNEY AND DRIED CHERRIES. AMMMMAZEBALLS.


· I was set up on a blind date. And by set up, I mean forced by his parents and Ray/Dee. Well it was half blind – I knew what he looked like as many photos of him were mysteriously forwarded to my inbox. Poor guy - had no idea what he was walking into. Went to a Flames game. His season tickets. Great seats. Great company. (in case you were wondering). First NHL game, first blind date (besides the time Liana tricked me into a dinner for 7, when strangely, 3 of them bailed at the last minute and, strangely, we were seated at a romantic table for 4 - but we don't talk about that :-)

* BIG DREAMY SIGH - I HEART JEROME.

ANNNNND.... A FIGHT. ITS A GOODER - AS THEY SAY OUT HERE. WHO AM I KIDDING? I SAY IT ALL THE TIME!

And thats January until now. Which is almost over. Which means my birthday is next. Which means I’m 35.

Later !

Lea