So the ticket is booked. Theres no turning back now ..
I leave on Saturday at 7:40 from Hali
Arrive 2:08 pm in FMM.
I moved most of my stuff to Thiannas yesterday
and will be officially moved out of here at noon.
(oh how I'll miss the stenciled ivy on the cupboards
and the random dead mice)
Thianna's having a little party for me Wed pm, so I'll bring
the rest of my stuff then. My bed and a painting.
So I'm checking out for now and will be in touch
from the wonder that is Fort McMurray!
xo
Leanne
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Alberta Bound ....
The time has come.
I've been fighting it for too long.
This need to go West to work. Note I didn't say desire.
This need to get out of debt and regain some self worth. Note this time I also mean desire.
I realize money doesn't buy happiness (or so I hear)
but I know for sure that no-money doesn't either, so I'm willing
to try the alternative.
I'm not going out to make millions but want to go for 6 months,
get rid of this measly, like a 'mosquito in the tent' debt I have and buy myself things I have to
bypass in the stores. Like a camera, laptop, vacations (well, they're not
in stores ... but you get the picture). And gather a little padding for my future.
I realize I am leaving a secure job.
But that secure job is stifling, boring, unchallenging and uninteresting.
AND not meeting my financial needs.
I am also tired of going to the same coffee shop, placing the same order with the same girl, going to the same job to see the same people to talk about the same things (though I LOVE those girls dearly) to go home to my crap apartment change into the same gym clothes go to the same gym, see the same ...... get the picture? I'm bored.
Its funny the mixed reactions I get from people.
They range from "Oh! the crime rate and drugs out there are awful" to
"Way to go! I'm proud of you".
The crime rate? Have they ever heard of Halifax?
Drugs? Maybe you haven't heard .... I don't do drugs.
I am very very sure of my decision. Since I made it 3 weeks ago, I've been
lighter, happier, more relieved.
Then on Saturday -
I saw a map of Canada on MapQuest and the distance between Halifax and Fort McMurray is daunting ...... go check it out.
And I freaked out.
What was I thinking? Leaving Halifax?
But ...but ... but I love my job, my coffee shop, my large, light blend black, my sweet little red-headed coffee shop girl who is taking the year of school because her boyfriend is in 4th year and they are saving to travel to Australia next year, I love my workmates, I love our crazy conversations and the laughs we have all day long, I love my crap apartment, my gym, my gym-buddies, my workouts with Adam. ADAM??? what am I doing leaving ADAM?
Had I not thought this through? Had I once again made a hasty decision? The wrong one?
WHAT WAS I THINKING ????
Its not too late, I could reverse my Leave of Absence, I bet they didn't process the paper work yet !! It's government! Of course they didn't!!
In a fit of panic, my brain and heart thrased all weekend long .... My simple, boring reality that is my life in Halifax is flat on its butt and I think I've made a mistake.
The fact is, I love my life in Halifax. Well I did up until recently.
Adam and I have a little groove and its safe and sure and simple.
But the OTHER, and DECIDING fact is - My hands are tied socially - as my income and my 'out-go' are grossly imbalanced.
I feel like a loser that Adam pays for most extras - though he does it graciously, willingly, and without comment or complaint.
Regardless of his immense generosity, I continue to feel inadequate that I am unable to provide the 'fun things' in my life.
So as I do my yoga breaths and attain some level of rationale again, it turns out that ...
I HAVEN'T made the wrong decision. I've made a huge decision. One I believe will benefit me and open doors I've never imagined would be opened.
It's been too long since I've taken a risk; just plugged my nose and jumped in the deep end - I'm so sure of this move that I AM going to go.
I am scared...
I am scared to leave my boring, stifling, un-inspiring existance but
the need to be independent, shake up my routine and take control of my life
outweighs the need for security here.
Which isn't security at all.
Oh. And if it rains one more day here .....
I am excited to explore this new and wild unknown world I am entering.
So ... as I battle a spectrum of emotions ranging from sheer panic to fearlessness to great uncertainty and back again- I need your thoughts and prayers - as my self diagnosed anxiety disorder comes to a head - I need all the calming energy anyone can send my way !!
As Ever,
Leanne
I've been fighting it for too long.
This need to go West to work. Note I didn't say desire.
This need to get out of debt and regain some self worth. Note this time I also mean desire.
I realize money doesn't buy happiness (or so I hear)
but I know for sure that no-money doesn't either, so I'm willing
to try the alternative.
I'm not going out to make millions but want to go for 6 months,
get rid of this measly, like a 'mosquito in the tent' debt I have and buy myself things I have to
bypass in the stores. Like a camera, laptop, vacations (well, they're not
in stores ... but you get the picture). And gather a little padding for my future.
I realize I am leaving a secure job.
But that secure job is stifling, boring, unchallenging and uninteresting.
AND not meeting my financial needs.
I am also tired of going to the same coffee shop, placing the same order with the same girl, going to the same job to see the same people to talk about the same things (though I LOVE those girls dearly) to go home to my crap apartment change into the same gym clothes go to the same gym, see the same ...... get the picture? I'm bored.
Its funny the mixed reactions I get from people.
They range from "Oh! the crime rate and drugs out there are awful" to
"Way to go! I'm proud of you".
The crime rate? Have they ever heard of Halifax?
Drugs? Maybe you haven't heard .... I don't do drugs.
I am very very sure of my decision. Since I made it 3 weeks ago, I've been
lighter, happier, more relieved.
Then on Saturday -
I saw a map of Canada on MapQuest and the distance between Halifax and Fort McMurray is daunting ...... go check it out.
And I freaked out.
What was I thinking? Leaving Halifax?
But ...but ... but I love my job, my coffee shop, my large, light blend black, my sweet little red-headed coffee shop girl who is taking the year of school because her boyfriend is in 4th year and they are saving to travel to Australia next year, I love my workmates, I love our crazy conversations and the laughs we have all day long, I love my crap apartment, my gym, my gym-buddies, my workouts with Adam. ADAM??? what am I doing leaving ADAM?
Had I not thought this through? Had I once again made a hasty decision? The wrong one?
WHAT WAS I THINKING ????
Its not too late, I could reverse my Leave of Absence, I bet they didn't process the paper work yet !! It's government! Of course they didn't!!
In a fit of panic, my brain and heart thrased all weekend long .... My simple, boring reality that is my life in Halifax is flat on its butt and I think I've made a mistake.
The fact is, I love my life in Halifax. Well I did up until recently.
Adam and I have a little groove and its safe and sure and simple.
But the OTHER, and DECIDING fact is - My hands are tied socially - as my income and my 'out-go' are grossly imbalanced.
I feel like a loser that Adam pays for most extras - though he does it graciously, willingly, and without comment or complaint.
Regardless of his immense generosity, I continue to feel inadequate that I am unable to provide the 'fun things' in my life.
So as I do my yoga breaths and attain some level of rationale again, it turns out that ...
I HAVEN'T made the wrong decision. I've made a huge decision. One I believe will benefit me and open doors I've never imagined would be opened.
It's been too long since I've taken a risk; just plugged my nose and jumped in the deep end - I'm so sure of this move that I AM going to go.
I am scared...
I am scared to leave my boring, stifling, un-inspiring existance but
the need to be independent, shake up my routine and take control of my life
outweighs the need for security here.
Which isn't security at all.
Oh. And if it rains one more day here .....
I am excited to explore this new and wild unknown world I am entering.
So ... as I battle a spectrum of emotions ranging from sheer panic to fearlessness to great uncertainty and back again- I need your thoughts and prayers - as my self diagnosed anxiety disorder comes to a head - I need all the calming energy anyone can send my way !!
As Ever,
Leanne
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